Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
