whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
