so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
