if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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