Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
