Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
