O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
