so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
dude i'm inner monologue high
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
