ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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