What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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