theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
