You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
