Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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