they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
