Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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