My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
