Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
