I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
