I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
