so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
