Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Bring me that man meat
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
