He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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