I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
