Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My feet surprised me
Randomize
