After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
