last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
