Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
