you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
