JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We need a shit load of segways right now
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
