i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
