I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
