He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just pee around me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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