I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
