I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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