Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
