Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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