Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
