Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
