Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
