I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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