Porn is love you can see.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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