so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
