Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
