I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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