I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
