none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
