I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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