i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
