Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
