do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
