I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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