You made me cry and you don't even care
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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