If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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