If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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