you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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