is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
