I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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